“Sometimes it feels like I’m in a constant battle with my own mind.”
That’s how my journal entry started on a day when I could barely breathe under the weight of my own thoughts. From the outside, I seemed fine. Calm. Maybe even grounded. But inside? Inside was chaos.
Journal entry:
“My head pounds with thoughts telling me I’m stupid, that I don’t belong, that everyone is angry with me or secretly hates me.”
I’d just finished a normal conversation, something small and forgettable, but as usual, my brain hit replay on every single word. I analysed my tone, the other person’s face, and the awkward pause.
Had I been too much? Too intense? Too sensitive?
And this is where the inner critic lives:
In the space between reality and self-doubt.
In the echo chamber where shame, fear, and trauma whisper, “You’re failing at being you.”
Where Did This Inner Critic Even Come From?
I used to think this voice was just “anxiety” or “low self-esteem.” But over time and through deep healing work, I realised something else:
This voice wasn’t actually mine.
It was built from:
- Childhood trauma
- Unspoken family expectations
- Constant pressure to be “enough” but never “too much”
- Cultural conditioning
- And layers of emotional trauma that were never processed
“I criticize the way I look, the way I dress, how my hair falls, my entire life. I feel ashamed. Deeply ashamed. And I don’t even know why sometimes I just feel like I’m failing at being me.”
This is what I wrote. And it’s what so many of us feel but never say out loud.
The Turning Point
One day, something shifted.
Not in a magical, dramatic way, but in a tired, raw, honest way.
I asked myself:
What if this voice doesn’t get to run the show anymore?
What if I could respond instead of believing everything it said?
Because here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way:
That voice in your head isn’t always right. And it’s definitely not always kind.
In fact, sometimes it’s repeating things you heard growing up, or internalised when you were hurting and needed love, not punishment.
How I Started Talking Back
It wasn’t a single technique. It wasn’t a perfect system. But here’s what helped me begin:
1. I Named the Voice
I stopped calling it “me.”
I started calling it the critic, or sometimes just “the old tape.” That separation gave me the power to question it.
“You’re lazy and useless.”
→ “That’s not true. That’s an old survival pattern trying to keep me small.”
2. I Let My Body Speak
When the mental noise was too loud, I moved.
I danced. I cried. I lay on the floor and screamed into a pillow.
I let the shame move through my body instead of staying trapped in my mind.
3. I Did the Work (Even When It Felt Like Nothing Was Changing)
Through deep sessions, integration calls, and ceremonial protocol, I started facing the pain beneath the critic.
The part of me that believed I wasn’t worthy finally had space to speak. And be loved.
4. I Got Support
I stopped trying to “fix” myself alone.
I reached out to mentors, therapists, friends, and the medicine.
Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in safe spaces.
What I Know Now
Healing from your inner critic isn’t about becoming perfect.
It’s about becoming conscious. Curious. Kind.
Some days, the voice still shows up.
But now I meet it with truth.
With compassion.
With a quiet voice inside me that says:
“You are not your shame.”
If You’re Struggling with Your Inner Critic Too…
You’re not alone. And there’s nothing wrong with you.
That voice in your head? It was shaped by pain, but it doesn’t have to shape your future.
There are real, grounded ways to start feeling safe in your own skin again.
I walk this path with others now—through storm sessions, plant medicine, somatic release, and real human connection.
Reach out if you’re ready to start your own conversation back.
You can book with me here, or just read more about the work at healthbysoul.co.za.
